Tuesday, November 4, 2008
When asked what led to their historic consummation, Obama and Palin looked at each other, smiled, and said they each had a shattering realization that their running mates were extremely out-of-touch with the times. Palin said, "They're both intrinsic duds."
Before the 2008 Democratic Convention in Denver, many of Barack Obama's and Hillary Rodham Clinton's supporters held out hope the two candidates could put aside their differences, and join forces to create an unstoppable, steamrolling Democratic Presidential Dream Team that would flatten any nominated Republican ticket. When Obama chose Joe Biden as his running mate, the dream shattered, but the hope of an unstoppable Dream Team juggernaut still lived.
Few expected, with the emergence of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate, that another bright, hysteria-inducing candidate would erupt at the same time as Barack Obama, and challenge his time in the spotlight of media attention, that America would have another shining beacon of hope on the political horizon. It was clear these two charismatic giants were destined for a higher purpose.
As Palin and Obama's popularity skyrocketed, and with their individual appearances drawing record crowds, both realized they were better off without their deadweight running mates, and formed an alliance to unify the country. Together, they take the boldest political election step in American history. Their new buttons, with their a new slogan, "Change? You Betcha!", are so hot, you can't even find them on eBay.
Gov. Palin was the first to notice the dead weight of her ticket with Sen. McCain. "When he smiles, you just know it's genuine - well, haven't we had enough of that? I love cheering crowds, no matter what they're cheering about!" she said boldly last week. At a rally with Obama at a Sears store in Dubuque, Palin said, "I love the opportunities we have here in America to buy clothes; it is a direct expression of our freedom."
Obama, (sensing the excitement in the crowd upon seeing Palin's shoes), stated firmly, "If we can construct within society a clear structured version of abstraction, wouldn't everyone be satisfied, particularly those on the political fringes, like anarchists? Agreement is now considered obsolescent and a thing of the past. We can liberate ourselves from compromise and concession. We must move on. And, to that end, then, we've learned our lessons from the past, and are not going to follow the tragic trajectory of the ill-matched, botched Frankenstein monster of political compromise, the Mondale/Quayle ticket."
When reached for comment about the demise of their campaigns, both McCain and Biden had no comment, but both they were in firm agreement about one thing: they aren't talking and still can't stand each other.
Earlier today Obama and Palin made their first campaign stop together in Pennsylvania to the enthusiastic cheers of over 500,000. Palin said, "I can imagine how difficult it is for coal miners down there in those dirty old mines when I go into my basement for a few hours with the lights off".
Obama fired up the crowd about the prospects of a landslide victory, "I am confident that when it can be said that we won the contest, and that our opponents lost the contest, which they did not win, and we, in the end, did win the White House, we did win after all; no doubt about it".
The two happy candidates together create a brighter, more positive and dynamic charisma than has ever been seen. Doubts about Sen. Obama's lack of experience evaporated when he said; "Like most of us, Gov Palin and I are human too. I am not inexperienced, I just haven't had that many opportunities. But if we win this election, then it proves the fact that despite our perceived inexperience, we can win, and our opponents have lost, despite their experience, which hasn't helped them in this campaign to win it, which we have won."
Sen Obama went on to describe their vision for a New America; "where division should be praised and doesn't divide us; where disagreement fosters intimacy and respect; and where unity is born out of polar opposites."
Palin was quick to join in, " This new campaign was mostly my idea; I thought of it one late night over a mug of eggnog. Y'know, disagreement is the wave of how the future is gonna be. But, let me tell you, we're all about change, and the biggest change is gonna be that disagreements and mistrust are now the norm."
Obama interrupted her by almost falling off the podium when he woke up from a nap. He had put himself to sleep with his eyes open while standing up during in one of his stoic, presidential quiet spells.
Palin, unphased, continued, "From now on, we gotta respect chaos, and how things work out organically, you know, like in Alaska and the migration of elk, and it's to be respected. I have studied this for awhile; Elk go all over the place, those elk do, but it all works out. None of this politically correct crap with them elk. No way. We are all about pallin' around with Unity by way of Disharmony."
Outgoing President Bush made the following comment -
" I understandify the situation. 75% of the American People can disagree with me and my policies in the polls, but that is still not a real majority. People wonder about my objectives. I am a decider. I do the very bestest that I can under the moment after the fact. I can truly de-empathize with their concernment."
When pressed on his legacy, Bush said, "I tried to do my very bestest I know how. I take on all responsibilities and then some more. After all, the duck stops here."
Please vote, as many times as possible, for the only ticket which disunites America, the Mega-Ultimate Celebrity Dream Team - Obama/Palin!
© 2008 M. Winter All rights reserved.